Beamer Benches Stewart—In Offseason Hibernation
South Carolina head coach Shane Beamer revealed that EDGE defender Dylan Stewart, who battled lingering injuries last season, is currently off all on-field and off-field activities. Stewart, fresh off an 11-sack, six-forced-fumble campaign, has been advised by medical staff to rest completely through spring and summer as he rehabs. Beamer emphasized that the surgical rest comes after Stewart never reached full health in the latter half of last season. The Gamecocks hope a fully recovered Stewart will help boost their push toward a College Football Playoff berth in 2026.
Behold the latest in cutting-edge sports medicine: telling a star athlete to do nothing. It’s the same bold strategy you’d employ when your phone battery’s low—just don’t use it. Shane Beamer, clearly moonlighting as a tech support guru, has discovered the radical cure for athletic ailments: inactivity. While the rest of us have to pay for therapy, travel, and motivational playlists, Stewart merely lies down and contemplates the majestic wall. Surely, when September rolls around, he’ll burst from this extended nap like Rip Van Winkle on Red Bull. Until then, we can only applaud coaches everywhere who’ll now prescribe Netflix binges as game prep.
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