Progrums

Virginia Tech’s latest strategy meeting apparently involved shaking a Magic 8-Ball labeled “Good Idea?” because within hours of giving Brent Pry the old heave-ho, their prized recruit hit the eject button on his Hokie pledge. Sources say the commit woke up to a thrilling new life goal: exploring other campuses like he’s swiping through a dating app—“No coach? New phone, who dis?” Fans are already drafting “Dear Recruit” poems, while VT brass is scrambling to find someone, anyone, who still wants to play for a team in full existential crisis. Meanwhile, the school’s PR department is reportedly considering sending the recruit a care package of branded thermoses and apology notes in hopes he’ll remember the warm embrace of Hokie turf. Stay tuned—recruitment roulette has never been so dramatic.