Progrums

Virginia Tech has officially swiped left on Brent Pry, ending their tumultuous “relationship” with the man who promised a championship-worthy cuddle but delivered nothing more than a 45-26 record to clog the bedroom drawers. Pry’s tenure reportedly suffered from a lack of bedroom chemistry—aka wins—and an annoying habit of forgetting where he left his playbook. Sources say fans are breathing a collective sigh of relief, if only because they can finally stop Googling “how to mend a broken Hokie-heart.” Athletic director Whit Babcock, meanwhile, is now ghosting rumors about Pry’s future with the same enthusiasm he showed for the running game last season. No word yet on whether Virginia Tech will find someone new on Tinder or stick to old-school recruiting.