Progrums

Hokie Nation enters a brave new world this weekend as Virginia Tech takes the field against Wofford completely coach-less—because who needs a head coach when you’ve got Whiteboards of Destiny and a premium Spotify playlist called “We’re Fine, Honestly”? After giving Brent Pry the boot, team captains have assumed full responsibility for play-calling via interpretive dance and group horoscopes. Sources report that practice now consists of players tossing a football at random and seeing which way the wind blows before sprinting that direction. Meanwhile, fans are encouraged to bring their own motivational posters and white noise machines to drown out any lingering memories of actual game plans. All signs point to a thrilling display of athleticism, improvisation, and existential panic—because if you can’t coach ’em, you might as well confuse ’em.