Progrums

Brent Pry assembled the Hokies this week to unveil his revolutionary game plan: actually trying. After gallivanting through two straight losses, Pry insists he’s unearthed the secret to scoring—hint: it involves moving the ball forward. Rumor has it he’s even teaching players to celebrate first downs with interpretive dance. Meanwhile, Old Dominion’s Monarchs are reportedly polishing their trophy shelf in anticipation of yet another Virginia Tech homecoming parade. Fans are stocking up on tissues and popcorn, eager to witness whether Pry can just once remember that footballs need chasing, not hugging. Stay tuned for kickoff—or at least for Pry’s next press conference revelation.