Progrums

At Wednesday’s media scrum, James Djonkam stormed the podium wielding nothing but sheer confidence and a questionable playbook filled with stick-figure doodles. He assured reporters he’d totally forgotten how to sack quarterbacks over the off week, preferring instead to practice his field-goal formations in front of a mirror. When pressed on his Week 3 strategies, Djonkam unfurled an origami game plan titled “Operation Fumble Fairy” and demanded free nachos as compensation for his heroic insights. By the end, the only thing more viral than his press conference was the collective confusion about whether he was auditioning for a marching band or gearing up for a gridiron rampage.