Progrums

Virginia Tech’s head coaching gig has opened up faster than a drive-thru at 2 a.m., after the Hokies bravely decided Brent Pry’s tenure ended following that soul-crushing loss to Ol—because who really remembers? Now, the rumor mill is in overdrive: sources whisper about surefire legends, fringe conference heroes, even the groundskeeper’s cousin who once coached pee-wee league. Athletic directors are dusting off their crystal balls, fans are drafting dank memes by the dozen, and local baristas have already invented the “Carousel Mocha”—strong enough to keep you awake through every coaching search update. Stay tuned as VT attempts to defy physics by finding stability in a never-ending spin cycle.