Progrums

Thomas Hughes has officially survived three weeks of Virginia Tech football—and more importantly, still has hair. After witnessing improbable fourth-quarter fumbles, referee signals that look like modern art, and a kicker who believes the uprights are “just suggestions,” Hughes is leaning into the chaos. Key takeaways include: pixelated instant replays are apparently optional, defensive line meetings double as therapy sessions, and student section morale soars every time the other team’s mascot forgets the sideline dance. Stay tuned for next week’s revelations—assuming someone remembers to write them down.