Progrums

In a breathtaking display of strategic ambiguity, Virginia Tech’s interim head coach, Philip Montgomery, gathered the media after Wednesday’s practice to unveil his latest innovation: the press conference full-court press. Armed with a clipboard and an encyclopedic knowledge of non-answers, Montgomery expertly dodged every question about X’s and O’s, opting instead for inspirational anecdotes about team spirit, his pet turtle, and the importance of hydration. When pressed on game plans, he insisted he’s “just getting the guys to show up on time,” before pivoting to a riveting monologue about ramen noodles. In the end, reporters left feeling oddly motivated but none the wiser about Saturday’s lineup—and that, according to Montgomery, is exactly the point.