Progrums

Virginia Tech faithful have installed blackout curtains and stocked up on comfort ice cream after their beloved Hokies commemorated two straight weeks without a victory. Fans have organized candlelight vigils outside Lane Stadium, trading playbooks for tissues and debating whether a pep talk from the marching band might do the trick. Rumor has it the coaching staff is considering radical measures—yoga for quarterbacks, interpretive dance drills, even a tactical partnership with the local high school team. In the meantime, students are dual-majoring in optimism and denial, while alumni keep refreshing the scoreboard in disbelief. If this season were a road trip, every exit sign would read “Future Wins—Not This Way.”