Progrums

After finally giving Brent Pry the boot, Virginia Tech is treating its head coaching vacancy like a clearance sale—everything must go. Enter Alex Golesh, the South Florida wunderkind whose name has been tossed around Blacksburg like confetti at a bad wedding. Athletic director Whit Babcock seems convinced that hiring a coach who specializes in sunny Floridan offenses will magically fix the Hokies’ record, as if tropical weather alone guarantees victories. Meanwhile, fans are divided on whether Golesh’s biggest strength is play-calling or simply enduring Hurricanes traffic. Rumors swirl that Virginia Tech’s new pruning strategy involves importing enough palm trees to confuse opposing defenses. In the end, it might not matter if Golesh runs a perfect offense—if the Hokies can’t handle the humidity, there won’t be many wins to show off.