In a shockingly predictable move, Virginia Tech is gearing up to show Head Coach Brent Pry the exit door after he masterfully piloted the Hokies to a flawless 0-3 record to open the 2025 season. Sources say the administration applauded Pry’s commitment to consistency—nobody else could lose three straight games in such dramatic fashion. In his fourth year on the job, Pry apparently believed that rebuilding was a marathon, not a sprint; university brass disagreed, arguing that “we’ll take character building elsewhere.”
Students reportedly mistook the press conference for a pep rally until someone whispered, “That’s him packing his office.” Athletic director statements praised Pry’s dedication to dialing down fan expectations. Meanwhile, local sports bars have already drafted slogans: “Drink up, Hokies—fourth quarter comebacks are overrated!” With the midseason firing looming, Pry is expected to deliver a rousing speech about perseverance—though likely to an empty room.
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