Progrums

In a bold strategic pivot, Virginia Tech is reportedly considering not one, but an entire battalion of Group of Five head coaches to lead their football program. Rumor has it the Hokies brass wants diverse play-calling styles—everything from air raid specialists scribbling X’s and O’s on cocktail napkins to triple-option gurus who insist in-game pep talks happen via charades. One finalist even pitched recruiting recruits through TikTok dance challenges. Witnesses say campus career services is updating its org chart to accommodate up to five “head” coaches simultaneously, ensuring every underdog conference gets a fair share of glory (and blame). Stay tuned as Blacksburg prepares to shuffle playbooks like a Vegas card dealer.