Progrums

The Hokies gallantly fell 2-1 to No. 16 Wake Forest on Thursday, marking their third consecutive ACC defeat—a remarkable feat in consistency. Witnesses report Tiernan Killeen nearly doubled down on optimism when she struck the post from 30 yards, hoping the ball might politely deflect into the goal for dramatic effect. Meanwhile, Virginia Tech’s defense unveiled its latest strategy: stand in the wrong place at the wrong time, ensuring maximum Wake Forest comfort on every attack. Fans have been advised to bring tissues and a stiff drink to the next match, as morale levels are expected to dip further under the weight of unfulfilled potential.