Progrums

Virginia Tech’s ladies stormed the pitch Sunday afternoon with all the gusto of someone who misplaced their glasses—because by the last minute, that’s exactly how their defense performed. Enter Emersen Jennings of Louisville, who, realizing nobody was minding the goal, gracefully tapped home the winner for a 1-0 Louisville victory. Hokie defenders were last seen pondering if they’d accidentally signed up for synchronized faceplant rather than soccer. The goalkeeper, meanwhile, auditioned for a role in an upcoming sci-fi film about invisible saves. Postgame, the Virginia Tech coach praised the team’s “commitment to suspense,” promising fans the edge-of-your-seat experience would return whenever they finally remember to block a shot. Competitor of the year? More like competitor of the minute.