Progrums

Eyeing the grand coliseum of Raleigh, SP+ — that tireless, caffeine-fueled oracle of college football stats — has finally spoken. After shoving a mountain of data into its digital gut (and an alarming number of empty energy drink cans), it spat out a verdict more definitive than your “friend” who knows nothing about sports: NC State will send Virginia Tech home with nothing but bruised egos and broken snack schedules. Fans of both sides have reportedly started sacrificing their brackets and sanity to appease the almighty SP+, which calmly reminded them that “hope is just a delusional human emotion.”