In a development that absolutely no one finds surprising, the Georgia Bulldogs are once again polishing their cleats, sharpening their wits, and rehearsing victory dances for their inevitable Week 5 dismantling of the Alabama Crimson Tide in Athens. Local sources say head coach Kirby Smart has already stocked the locker room with celebratory iced lattes and novelty T-shirts proclaiming “Sorry, Tide—Maybe Next Century.”
Fans report seeing Bulldogs players high-fiving everyone from the stadium groundskeepers to the nearby pylon markers, each convinced they’re pre-qualifying for the national championship parade. Experts point to five utterly foolproof reasons Georgia will win: favorable clock time (Saturdays at noon), proven psychological warfare via mascot intimidation, and an uncanny ability to turn opposing uniforms into misplaced laundry. If history is any guide—and it always is—Alabama might as well start rewatching old Crimson Tide highlights for morale.
Don’t bother marking your calendars, Tide fans. The Bulldogs have already RSVP’d “victory” for Week 5.
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