Progrums

In a bold move toward realism, Virginia Tech has officially embraced its role as NC State’s spiritual big brother—only 10.5 points less impressive on ESPN Bet. Sources say the Hokies’ locker room now features a giant scoreboard displaying the precise margin by which they’re expected to fail, just to keep morale unusually grounded. Players have reportedly begun each practice with a spirited chant of “Minus ten-point-five!” and coach hopes the team can overachieve by, say, 10.4. Local bookstores are even reprinting self-help manuals titled How to Celebrate Being a 10.5-Point Underdog Without Losing Your Mind. Rumor has it that if Virginia Tech somehow pulls off a cover-the-spread miracle, they’ll rename the campus “Expectation Heights.”