Progrums

Interim head coach Philip Montgomery strode into his first game like a zookeeper tasked with taming a herd of overenthusiastic marshmallows—otherwise known as the Hokies’ defense. After generously gifting opponents 113 points in three matchups (because who doesn’t love unruly scoring parties?), Montgomery’s top priority is convincing his squad that, yes, tackling is a thing and yes, it’s important. Rumor has it they’ve scheduled an intense “stop letting people waltz into the end zone” seminar just in time for Wofford, who’s reportedly polishing their celebratory touchdown dances. Sources say the defense is “cautiously optimistic” that this time, they’ll remember the whole point of defense involves actual stopping.