Progrums

In a shocking turn of events that had fans checking to see if their TVs were on fast-forward, Philip Montgomery’s debut as Virginia Tech’s interim head coach ended in a 38-6 thrashing of Wofford—because apparently the Hokies decided mercy was overrated. After a season of glorious defeat, the team finally remembered how to play football, or at least how to fake it convincingly. Fans celebrated by ordering extra nachos, while opponents politely asked for directions back to the locker room. Montgomery hasn’t promised he’ll win another game, but hey, one’s better than none.