Progrums

Interim head coach Philip Montgomery has apparently decided that what Virginia Tech really needed was more drama—and three fresh targets to catch criticism instead of kicks. After piling up a princely 56 points across three games (a total even diehard fans’ eyebrows consider generous), the Hokies have spotlighted three offense players to right this ship—maybe with duct tape and prayers. Rumor has it they’ve been bribed with extra chalk, motivational shower speeches, and weekly interpretive dance sessions to summon the elusive touchdown. Will this trio finally unlock the secrets of “scoring”? Or will Virginia Tech fans start petitioning to count safeties as victories? Stay tuned for the next thrilling installment in “As the Clock Ticks.”