Progrums

On an unprecedented Tuesday afternoon, Virginia Tech’s guard trio—Neoklis Avdalas, Ben Hammond (the human enigma) and Tyler Johnson (the accidental philosopher)—took to the podium in what can only be described as an info avalanche. Over a grueling three-minute press conference, they fielded high-stakes queries ranging from their secret snack stash to whether airballs should be classified as criminal offenses. Rumor has it the session ended with an impromptu debate on whether cereal counts as a smoothie… because why not. By day’s end, social media was ablaze, fans were bewildered and local anchors demanded refunds on their weekend plans. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s exposé on their preferred toothpaste flavors.