Progrums

Florida State’s football staff has reportedly replaced spreadsheets and water coolers with waffle fries and half-price uniform fittings, all in the name of “going nuclear” on the recruiting trail. Sources close to the program say coaches have stationed inflatable flamingo floaties around the practice field, reasoning that nothing screams “splash play” like a defensive end cannonballing into a kiddie pool. If whispers around Tallahassee are to be believed, the next generation of Seminoles will owe their commitment not to playbooks or facilities, but to the tantalizing siren song of perfectly seasoned chicken sandwiches. Rumor has it they’re even considering a halftime chicken nugget buffet to seal the deal.