Progrums

In a thrilling display of academic extracurriculars masquerading as a sporting event, the Florida State Seminoles are packing their windsuits and pep in hopes of not becoming the season’s most embarrassing viral highlight. Facing the Virginia Cavaliers in Charlottesville, these gallant warriors will attempt to recall which end zone to run toward and that the ball doesn’t magically float past tackles on its own. Fans can expect gladiatorial skirmishes over whose quarterback will blunder first, a heated competition for the worst special-teams mishap, and enough sideline high-fives to power a small town. If all goes according to plan, Florida State will leave Virginia intact—and by intact we mean still standing, slightly breathless, and firmly clutching that elusive thing called “momentum.” Either way, at least someone will get a good slow-motion replay out of it.