Progrums

The Georgia Bulldogs are taking fandom to new heights by rolling out a “fan experience” that feels like a high-stakes game of emotional dodgeball. Spectators will be fitted with custom eye-rolling trackers to quantify just how many times they sarcastically eyeroll at the Tide’s offense. Complimentary earplugs will shield them from Alabama’s victory chants, while designated crying corners offer plush seating and tissues for those inevitable tears. Organizers have even installed a morale meter that gauges despair levels from mildly irritated to full-blown existential crisis. Touchdown celebrations will include a group therapy huddle where fans can process feelings with a professional counselor. Rumor has it the event might feature victory illusions—virtual reality headsets showing Georgia in the lead for a thrilling five seconds. It’s set to be the most emotionally turbulent spectator sport this side of a broken heart.