Progrums

In a move that stunned exactly nine reporters and two interns, Virginia Tech’s defensive coordinator Sam Siefkes emerged from his secret bunker under Worsham Field to deliver an earth-shattering press briefing on Wednesday’s practice. Sources claim he unveiled brand-new blitz schemes so confounding that opposing quarterbacks are reportedly seeking therapy. When pressed for specifics, Siefkes dramatically paused, adjusted his headset, and declared, “We tackled things.” Engineers are now reverse-engineering the meaning of “things,” while fans brace for a defensive renaissance that could involve actual tackling. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s follow-up, where Siefkes might reveal he actually meant “tangles” or “tringles.”