Progrums

Athens is about to become ground zero for the collegiate signal scramble as Bulldogs diehards prep their remotes, tablets, and questionable pirate streams for the Dawgs vs. Crimson Tide showdown. Local sports bars are stocking tranquilizer darts to maintain decorum once fans realize they’ve double-booked their streaming subscriptions—and their feelings. Paper-thin couches anticipate unprecedented butt imprints, while cable nostalgists cling to coaxial cables like life vests. Meanwhile, Gen Z’s already secret-sharing TikTok hacks for bypassing every paywall known to man, so if your grandma still thinks TV is an antenna and a prayer, she’s about to be proven adorably obsolete. Either way, stock up on nachos and therapy sessions—this gridiron spectacle isn’t for the faint of bandwidth.