Progrums

Penn State’s Hall of Fame linebacker LaVar Arrington is trading in bone-crunching hits for hot takes as ESPN’s latest guest picker on College GameDay. In a bold move applauded by professors of sports psychology everywhere, ESPN handed Arrington the monumental task of predicting whether Penn State will actually remember which uniform to wear or if Oregon’s quarterback will confuse the chain gang for his fantasy league commissioners. Fans are already clearing their calendars, convinced that Arrington’s superhuman tackling instincts will somehow translate into infallible game predictions. As Arrington gears up with a clipboard and an air of solemn gravitas, teammates warned him not to get too cocky—after all, there’s a reason leaving 20 unanswered points on the board happens more often than a successful Hail Mary.