Progrums

Penn State’s beloved White Out tradition has locals fearing the sun will grow jealous of all that brightness. On Saturday, the Nittany Lions will summon every ounce of luminescent fan power to transform Beaver Stadium into a giant snow globe–minus the cold and holiday music. Their guests? The unsuspecting Oregon Ducks, currently searching for fog lights, night-vision goggles, and maybe a mild case of amnesia. It’s only the second time two top-10 teams have collided under the Great White Ceiling, so the NCAA has pre-arranged therapy sessions for anyone who mistakes blinding enthusiasm for actual solar flares. Expect ear-splitting cheers, quad-overtime predictions, and at least one neighbor calling 911 worried the stadium has broken into gospel chanting. If history repeats itself, someone’s waking up in a sea of cotton-candy shirts.