Progrums

In a stunning display of journalistic agility, Paul Finebaum has perfected the ancient art of the sports talk pivot. After enthusiastically crowning Arch Manning the next Heisman hero at the season’s start, Finebaum executed a swift 180 and abandoned ship faster than you can say “Texas upset.” Now, apparently reunited in holy matrimony, he’s back on Team Arch, ready to extol Manning’s every down like a true believer. Critics are calling this the “Greatest Hits Tour of Indecision,” as Finebaum seamlessly transitions from hype man to skeptic and back again—ensuring viewers can’t guess whether he’s praising the seven-on-seven drills or predicting an early benching. Stay tuned next week when he reveals if he’s filing an amicus brief to keep Manning out of the NFL draft or hosting a virtual marching band tribute.