Progrums

Virginia Tech’s coaching staff has reportedly hired a professional campfire storyteller to decode the ominous plumes of smoke emanating from Lane Stadium, since nobody’s laid eyes on a depth chart all week. Meanwhile, players are popping in and out of Blacksburg like surprise guests on a reality show, shopping preemptive “I Opted Out” merch to hedge their bets. And looming on the horizon is the ACC opener, a game so pivotal it could transform the Hokies from playoff hopefuls into cautionary tailgate legends. Grab your popcorn—and maybe a smoke detector—because this season’s just getting started.