Progrums

Will Stein, the 28-year-old playbook savant who turned Oregon into a human firework display, is now rumored to be heading to Blacksburg—because nothing says “we’re serious” like importing a coach whose greatest tool is Excel. Hokies fans, armed with foam fingers and an unshakable belief in anyone under 30, are already drafting highlight reels and branding coffee mugs. Stein’s play designs, which reportedly involve more dots and arrows than a conspiracy board, promise to inject enough points to keep alumni donations above the break-even point. If his high-octane offense works, Virginia Tech will finally stop confusing punts with dinner plans. If it doesn’t? At least they’ll have some really cool charts to show for it.