Progrums

Late Wednesday, an ESPN analyst stunned the sports universe by announcing he’d summoned spirits via Ouija board to divine the outcome of Friday’s FSU vs Virginia showdown. Witnesses report the Seminoles have traded playbooks for tarot cards, while Cavaliers are reportedly consulting local mystics to counteract vengeful specters. In what’s billed as FSU’s first true road game of the 2025 season, both camps are more focused on warding off bad juju than tackling drills. The analyst, refusing to reveal his final verdict until after paying homage to a shrine of vintage foam fingers, promises fans eternal closure—or at least a good laugh.