Progrums

The Seminoles have apparently decided that subtlety is overrated and are rolling out the red carpet—and possibly the Seminole War Chant—at full tilt to chase down one of the nation’s hottest prospects. Coaches have upgraded their recruiting playbook with skywriting, personalized Snapchat filters, and serenades from the marching band at 3 a.m. Rumor has it they’ve even submitted a formal request to the NCAA to let Taco Tuesdays count as official training requirements if this kid commits. On the ground, volunteers in garnet-and-gold onesies are said to be handing out life-size cardboard cutouts of the recruit’s face for photo ops and demanding everyone in Tallahassee recite his name in unison. If that skywriter can’t hustle him in, they’re reportedly ready to rename Doak Campbell Stadium after him—pending GPS update approvals, of course. After all, why just win games when you can grab national titles in recruiting theater?