Progrums

In a move more suited for Hollywood than Athens, the Georgia Bulldogs have released a cinematic masterpiece to get themselves hyped for Alabama week. Sporting dramatic music that sounds suspiciously like a cat walking over piano keys, the trailer features slow-motion shots of players staring soulfully into the distance, an inexplicable shot of a barbecue pit engulfed in flames, and a voiceover so deep it practically applied for its own Netflix special. Viewers are treated to quick cuts of helmet collisions that could double as Michael Bay auditions, interspersed with a coach yelling in black-and-white close-up that somehow feels both terrifying and oddly poetic. The pièce de résistance? A final title card that flashes “BAMA = Broke” in neon red, because nothing says college football rivalry like a financial jab. By the time the last drumbeat fades, fans are left convinced they’ve just witnessed the trailer for the biggest sporting event of the century—never mind the actual game hasn’t even kicked off yet.