Progrums

Michigan fans have spent most of the season marveling at how a major college football team could schedule games with opponents so docile they might spontaneously apologize mid-tackle. But don’t let the gentle “bye weeks” fool you—a few stone-cold scrappers still lurk on the horizon. First in the crosshairs: Michigan State, that perennial thorn whose fight song is somehow louder at full volume than your smartphone. Indiana threatens to pull off midnight ambushes with chalkboard tactics straight out of a high school chemistry lab. And waiting at the finish line is Penn State, eager to unleash its defense like a team of medieval juggernauts. Meanwhile, the Wolverines have spent more time strategizing tailgate menus and emergency shoe-scrubbing stations than actual playbooks—after all, surviving Ann Arbor parking lots is practically a contact sport of its own.