Progrums

In a bold new twist on home-field advantage, Nittany Lion fans have taken “camping out” to Olympic levels—mud pies are the new snacks, and soggy sleeping bags qualify as premium seating. The State College chamber of commerce has issued an all-white paint mandate, prompting local shops to coat every surface from lampposts to labradoodles in championship-grade primer. Ducks supporters are reportedly reconsidering their luggage choices (“Too much room for raincoats,” lament one bewildered visitor). Meanwhile, Penn Staters treat inclement weather like a free shower: rain ponchos are passé, and drenched high-fives are this season’s hottest trend. Who needs dry turf when you can have a soggy spectacle?