In a move that has stunned the state of Texas and confused the athletic department, the Longhorns baseball squad has audaciously decided to become the prime source of excitement this weekend—because apparently someone forgot to give the football team a map. While the gridiron warriors embark on their annual “endless highway tour,” slowly learning the scenic wonders of interstate rest stops, the baseball players are busy doing literally everything else: hitting home runs, executing double plays, and high-fiving fans who thought they were here for pigskins.
Cheering crowds have been overheard asking, “Is there a game tonight or did our rival volleyball team finally figure out offense?” Turns out, it’s just baseball—making field goals look like parking problems. Concession stands report an unprecedented surge in hot-dog sales, as spectators who accidentally wandered onto the diamond now believe this developed sport is far easier to understand than third-and-long. Meanwhile, the football team is reportedly seeking directions to Arlington but accidentally keeps ending up at a t-ball clinic in Shreveport.
Yes, dear fans, if you can find a parking spot, bring a glove. The Longhorns baseball team is here, and they’ve packed enough drama to fill every empty seat left by the wandering men in helmets.
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