Progrums

In a strategic power move that has college football fans gasping into their protein shakes, Virginia Tech’s very own linebacker Michael Short has officially booked a one-way ticket to the famed Transfer Portal. His master plan? A mandatory redshirt season to squirrel away two extra years of eligibility—because why play now when you can nap later? Insiders report he’s already auditioning hammocks for off-season “training,” stocking up on campus maps, and practicing his MVP acceptance speech. Will he emerge as a superstar or a viral meme? Only time—and at least two seasons—will tell.