Progrums

In a stunning display of fallibility rarely seen outside dystopian novels, Florida State’s beloved gridiron gladiators found themselves on the wrong side of an upset that, frankly, felt like someone tripped over the scoreboard wires. Quarterback Tommy Castellanos huddled the team—presumably in a room with less broken furniture than their dignity—to deliver a rousing pep talk. Sources say he reminded players there’s a tiny, ancient custom called “winning,” and urged them to track down that long-lost feeling for next week’s matchup. Seminoles fans, bruised but undeterred, have already begun a grassroots campaign to reinstate weekly victory parades—preferably one that doesn’t involve making off with the goalposts. As the team dusts off its playbook and pride, all eyes are on whether they can turn this shocking misstep into a mere footnote on the road to redemption.