Progrums

In a stunning revelation that has rocked Athens to its manicured turf, the Georgia Bulldogs have at long last discovered where they stand in the AP Poll—right after Alabama gleefully sent them packing. Sources report the new ranking occupies a cozy spot just below “You Had One Job” and just above “Always a Bridesmaid.”
Coaching staff members, previously accustomed to top-two readings on their scoreboards, were seen squinting at their tablets in disbelief. “Turns out there’s more than one way to get worldwide attention,” quipped an assistant coach, brushing confetti off his clipboard. Meanwhile, team captains are allegedly drafting thank-you letters to Alabama, crediting them with unveiling this long-lost ranking.
Fans, too, have embraced the discovery. Local businesses are selling commemorative T-shirts reading “Proud Member of the ‘Surprise Us Next Week’ Club,” while the band is rumored to be rehearsing a new halftime show dedicated entirely to plot twists.
As the Bulldogs prepare to process this earth-shattering data point, optimism is high. After all, there’s no shame—or so they claim—in learning that the only thing lower than your ranking is a teammate’s socks after a road trip.