Progrums

Oregon’s head coach mustered his best “you had to be there” poker face after reviewing the infamous overtime clip where Jayden Limar got rammed without drawing a targeting flag. Turns out, in the grand strategy meeting disguised as a bye-week film session, the Ducks discovered that the elusive penalty had simply stepped out for a latte. Lanning assured fans that nothing about the hit looked “clearly malicious” unless you count the look on the stadium’s giant replay screen. He praised the officiating crew’s stealth skills—so stealthy, in fact, they made the infraction vanish. According to Lanning, if targeting were a Pokémon, the refs had already caught ’em all, and this one escaped into the night. He wrapped up by reminding everyone that football, much like life, is full of subjective calls—kind of like trusting your GPS in the middle of nowhere. At least now Duck fans can finally move on…until the next phantom foul strolls by.