Your Ultimate Guide to the Red River Showdown
Oklahoma and Texas renew their storied rivalry in Dallas, marking the 121st meeting under the October sun. The Sooners arrive unbeaten and ranked No. 6, boasting SEC momentum and a defense that terrorized Kent State. Meanwhile, the Longhorns reel from an Arch Manning-led skid and a bruising loss to Florida. Brent Venables keeps a close eye on QB John Mateer’s hand injury, while Steve Sarkisian frets over Texas’s porous offensive line. Fans can catch kickoff on ABC at 2:30 p.m. from the Cotton Bowl, with sunny skies and a high near 91 °F.
Oklahoma’s biggest weekly dilemma: will fans roast to a crisp or their TVs melt first? Imagine droves of burnt orange and crimson clad fans descending on Dallas, slathering on sunscreen like it’s holy water. Meanwhile, ESPN execs are cackling in their ivory towers—“Let’s torture Texas fans with an early 2:30 p.m. slot! No nap for you!” And don’t get me started on Arch Manning’s unblemished record against power conferences: ironically pure… in unreliability. It’s the Red River Rivalry, folks—a tradition of sunburns, shattered egos, and hope that someone remembers to bring the Gatorade.
Sooners Toss QB Mystery into Rivalry Furnace
With John Mateer’s status uncertain, sophomore Michael Hawkins Jr. preps as if he’ll start against Texas. Brent Venables and OC Ben Arbuckle praise Hawkins’s poise, drawing on his rough outing in last year’s 34-3 loss at the Cotton Bowl. Hawkins threw for 162 yards and three scores against Kent State, rushing for another TD. Whether Mateer suits up or not, the coaching staff trusts both quarterbacks to execute under pressure, backed by an elite defense.
Cue the cinematic trailer: “This fall, witness the epic saga of Two Quarterbacks… One Football.” In one corner, John “The Miracle Man” Mateer, whose hand injury almost turned into the season’s best soap opera. In the other, Michael “I Swear I’m Ready” Hawkins Jr., the underdog destined to seize glory (or at least avoid another fumble). Meanwhile, coaches Venables and Arbuckle circle like hawks—no pun intended—never revealing whose jersey they’ll unleash. Will the Switzer Center oracle decide? Or will ESPN juggle both on split-screen? Tune in to see who survives the ultimate QB Hunger Games.
Sandell’s Mega Boot Wins Kicker of the Week
Oklahoma kicker Tate Sandell earned SEC Co-Special Teams Player of the Week after connecting on field goals of 49, 39 and a career-long 55 yards in the Sooners’ 44-0 rout of Kent State. He also converted all five PATs and logged five touchbacks on eight kickoffs. Sandell ranks 9-for-10 on the season, tied for 15th nationally in field goals, and is one of 13 FBS kickers with multiple 50-yarders this year.
Hold your applause—this ain’t just a foot meeting the ball. It’s a meteorological event: meteorologists might start naming storms after Sandell’s booming 55-yarder. Meanwhile, opposing coaches are whispering fearfully, “He’s got Travis Kelce’s leg strength but the serenity of a monk.” Fans will now refer to the Cotton Bowl as “Owen Field… minus yards we didn’t mean to give up.” If Sandell ever retires, he could headline Las Vegas shows: “Tate Sandell: The Golden Toe Tour.” Rumor has it he’s auditioning for a demolition derby—why knock down cars when you can disassemble uprights?
Early Bird Game: Sooners Sneak into Columbia at Dawn
The SEC has slotted Oklahoma’s first conference road game at South Carolina for an early kickoff—either 11:00 a.m. or 11:45 a.m.—to be finalized next week. It’s OU’s first trip to Williams-Brice Stadium in Columbia, which seats 77,559. The Gamecocks, led by Shane Beamer, won the season opener meeting in Norman 35-9. Oklahoma (5-0) sits No. 6 in the AP poll after wins over Auburn and Michigan, while South Carolina enters 3-2 following two SEC defeats and a win over Kentucky.
Nothing says “conference road game” like an ungodly breakfast kickoff. Fans of both schools will rise at 4 a.m., chug protein shakes, and attempt to look enthusiastic in 20-degree pregame chills—all to make it home in time for lunch. Shane Beamer’s squad is probably just excited to test whether their stadium’s coffee stands can handle a pre-noon blitz. Meanwhile, SEC execs nod approvingly: “Flexibility!” they chant, as if scheduling woes are a competitive sport. At least the early start ensures you’ll have plenty of time to post your tailgate face-paint selfies—before reapplying sunscreen for the 3 p.m. tailgate.
Longhorns Gear Up for Any OU QB Surprise
With John Mateer’s throwing-hand injury still in question, Texas coach Steve Sarkisian says the Longhorns will prepare for whoever starts under center in the Red River Rivalry. Mateer, dynamic and OU’s offensive heartbeat, has completed 67.4% of passes for 1,215 yards and six TDs, plus five rushing scores. Backup Michael Hawkins Jr. threw for 162 yards and three TDs versus Kent State. Sarkisian warns of Ben Arbuckle’s varied offense and praises OU’s top-ranked defense, which leads the nation in multiple categories.
Texas’s grand plan: assemble a crystal-gazing unit to predict whether Mateer or Hawkins will command them into battle. Sources report Sarkisian has installed a giant roulette wheel in the locker room, letting coaches spin for “possible starting QB.” Meanwhile, Longhorn defenders are busy memorizing two playbooks, one for the guy who throws lasers and one for the one who runs like a gazelle. It’s a quarterback switcheroo so elaborate it might warrant its own reality show: “Dancing with the QBs.” Spoiler: no matter who plays, someone’s omelet is getting thrown in the locker room.
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