Progrums

TV Shocker: Longhorns Outdraw Ducks

In Week 13 of the 2025 college football season, the No. 6 Oregon Ducks defeated the No. 17 USC Trojans 42–27 in Eugene, drawing 5.43 million viewers on CBS. Meanwhile, at the same noon kickoff, the Texas Longhorns’ high-scoring 52–37 win over the Arkansas Razorbacks on ABC surprisingly attracted 5.6 million viewers—enough to top Oregon’s broadcast. Arch Manning torched the Razorbacks for 389 yards and four touchdowns, while Oregon’s own stars—Kenyon Sadiq, Malik Benson, Dante Moore and a trio of running backs—kept Eugene buzzing. With the Ducks locked into a season finale at Washington, networks are eyeing another ratings bonanza as playoff implications and heated rivalries collide.

Network executives everywhere have cracked open celebratory kombucha after discovering that college football fans would rather watch Arch Manning throw lasers than Dan Lanning deliver another motivational speech in rain boots. Apparently, the only thing more predictable than Oregon’s highlight-reel offense is that America can’t resist the Texas hype train—complete with a quarterback who apparently throws spirals so perfect they circle the globe three times before landing. Meanwhile, Ducks fans are left clutching their remote controls in disbelief, wondering if they should have handed out cowboy hats at Autzen Stadium to boost viewership. Stay tuned for next week, when networks reportedly plan to beam games directly into fans’ dreams for better ratings.