Oregon’s Next QB Stars Lining Up Campus Tours
Oregon has built a reputation as “Quarterback University,” producing stars from Akili Smith to Marcus Mariota and Justin Herbert. Now coaches Dan Lanning and Drew Mehringer are hosting visits for top 2027 and 2028 recruits. Four-star Blake Roskopf attends official visits with North Carolina, Washington, Stanford, UCLA and Oregon. Three-star Dane Weber, four-star Sione Kaho and rising 2028 prospect Koa Malau’ulu are also on the Ducks’ radar, with each prospect planning multiple trips to Autzen Stadium as Oregon vies to maintain its QB factory legacy.
It’s only a matter of time before Eugene looks like Times Square on recruiting weekend—quarterbacks everywhere flashing leather and lip gloss, autographing playbooks like rock stars. Coaches will be handing out play-action hugs, tossing free-end zone T-shirts like candy, and posting TikToks of defensive backs crying artistic single tears. It’s less a visit and more a quarterback speed-dating event, complete with rotary phones, hard hats and a booming PA announcing, “Next up: your future NFL hope!”
Speed Demon Thieneman Leaves Receivers in the Dust
Former Oregon safety Dillon Thieneman lit up the NFL Combine with a 4.35-second 40-yard dash and a 41-inch vertical. His simulcam footage showed him outrunning elite NFL receivers like Justin Jefferson and A.J. Brown. His performance ranked fourth among safeties and tied for 11th overall, skyrocketing his draft stock into first-round territory. Scouts also praised his improved open-field tackling and instincts, signaling he could be the No.2 safety off the board this spring.
If speed kills, Thieneman has committed grand theft auto on the track. Rumor has it his stopwatch sets itself on fire. He’s so fast even his shadow can’t keep up and filed a missing-person report. Combine officials considered naming the lane “THIENEMAN SPEEDWAY,” and referees may start handing him a penalty flag for being too quick. At this rate, he’ll be drafted before his invitation even arrives.
The Secret Hotline Between Miami and Oregon
Ahead of the CFP National Championship between Miami and Indiana, Hurricanes lineman Francis Mauigoa revealed he phoned Oregon center Iapani “Poncho” Laloulu for intel on Indiana’s linebacker Aiden Fisher. They devised dummy calls—“disco”—to baffle the Hoosiers, leading to a touchdown on one play. Despite the tactic, Indiana claimed the title. Meanwhile, Oregon’s key offensive returners, including Laloulu and QB Dante Moore, are back in 2026 with national-title hopes.
Dial-A-Play has never been so avant-garde. Who needs advanced analytics when you can ring up rival centers for cheat codes? Next season, expect NCAA to install customer-service hotlines for every opponent: “Please hold while we connect you to their defensive coordinator.” The Ducks might start renting out their phones like juice bars—“Call now for a three-play preview, batteries not included.”
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