Progrums

When Retiring Numbers Becomes a Full-Time Job

The Fighting Irish boast an unparalleled roster of legends—seven Heisman winners (Bertelli, Lujack, Hart, Lattner, Hornung, Huarte, Brown), plus standouts like Manti Te’o, Rocket Ismail and Jeremiyah Love—any of whom could lay claim to a retired jersey. Retire them all, and you’d soon run out of digits from 0-99. Meanwhile USC’s 2004 Heisman winner Matt Leinart is asked to unretire No. 11 for a fresh-faced recruit and flatly refuses, exposing his school’s jersey chaos. Nick Shepkowski cheers Notre Dame’s refusal to follow suit, imagining absurd statues and number hoarding if they did.

Is it just me, or has Notre Dame quietly dodged the numerical deathtrap that ensnares lesser programs? Retire enough jerseys and you’re left with nothing but alphabet soup—maybe the Fighting Irish should start handing out Pi or Euler’s number instead. Meanwhile, USC’s jersey un-retirement policy reads like a clearance sale: “Last chance to snag a retired icon—offer expires when the kid flunks math.” Surely the only recruits worthy of a once-and-forever number are those who can recite the school fight song backwards in Latin. Until then, let’s tip our caps to ND for preserving enough digits to count championship rings instead of jersey plaques.