Progrums

Relief Pitcher Nic Abraham Flips His Script

The Tennessee Volunteers’ season ended abruptly in the Chapel Hill Regional, prompting veteran relief pitcher Nic Abraham to enter the college baseball transfer portal. Abraham logged 34.2 innings last season with a 4.15 ERA, 20 strikeouts, and just seven walks, often summoned to induce double plays rather than overpower hitters. His departure adds another hole in Tennessee’s pitching staff and ensures they’ll be hunting for more portal reinforcements this offseason.

In a truly shocking turn of events, Abraham decided he’d rather audition for a new collegiate couch than keep perfecting his art of double-play voodoo in Knoxville. Rumor has it he wanted a fresher locker room playlist and an undiscovered shade of Gatorade. Meanwhile, the Volunteers’ coaching staff is rumored to be spending nights scouring Zoom tryouts and screenshotting Instagram highlights, because nothing says “stable program” like a revolving door of transfer pitchers sporting questionable walk rates. One can only hope that Abraham’s next destination appreciates the subtle finesse of a pitcher who’s more “reroll the dice” than “batter-be-damned.”