Campbell’s Frankenstein Roster: Transfer Portal Alchemy
Penn State head coach Matt Campbell overhauled his roster via the transfer portal, signing 24 former Iowa State Cyclones and adding key pieces across the board. The crown jewel was three-year starter and game-winner Rocco Becht, whose clutch drives earned him an invitation to Happy Valley. To bolster his wideouts, Campbell imported Chase Sowell, Brett Eskildsen, Zay Robinson and Karon Brookins, then reinforced tight ends with preseason All-American Ben Brahmer alongside Gabe Burkle and Cooper Alexander. On defense, new tackles Siale Taupaki, Keanu Williams, Armstrong Nnodim and Dallas Vakalahi promise size and experience, while a linebacker room rebuilt around Iowa State transfer Caleb Bacon and Kooper Ebel aims to terrorize opposing ball-carriers. Special-teams spots and backup quarterbacks were filled judiciously, yielding a fourth-ranked portal haul in 2026.
In an act of collegiate necromancy, Campbell stitched together his roster like Dr. Frankenstein—except instead of limbs he’s wielding transfer offers. Fans now brace themselves for a monster team so heavily grafted that it might moo if you prod it. Should Porter-Cable the TE (we mean Ben Brahmer) catch 50 passes on his first snap, don’t be shocked—just applaud the mad science behind Penn State’s Frankenstein portal project. Future opponents are politely advised to bring an exorcist, or at least some decent tackling pads.
Hayley Kitching’s 800m Shockwave at Hayward Field
Penn State senior Hayley Kitching clocked a 1:57.65 in the women’s 800 meters at the NCAA Outdoor Championships, marking the second-fastest time in NCAA history. Her runner-up finish at Eugene’s Hayward Field earned first-team All-America honors and shaved 1.5 seconds off her previous best. Kitching’s performance complemented Penn State’s strong showing: Allon Clay and Niko Schultz placed fourth and sixth in the men’s 800, Ryan Henry threw a 19.65m shot put PB, Collin Burkhart finished 13th in hammer throw, and Sasha Garnett secured second-team honors in women’s shot put. Kitching also set the program’s outdoor 800 record and broke the indoor 1,000m collegiate mark earlier in the year.
In other news, Hayley Kitching single-handedly reminded us that Penn State isn’t just about pigskins and high-fives in Beaver Stadium. Who needs a football when you’ve got a record-smashing Aussie who can outrun a caffeinated cheetah? Meanwhile, coaches of other programs are frantically Googling “How to recruit world-class sprinters” as Penn State’s track department gleefully hoards trophies. Next year, expect them to install starting blocks in the student union—just to remind us all which sport truly earns the champagne.
Rhode Island’s Edge Beast Joins Nittany Pack
Four-star defensive end Elijah Guertin, Rhode Island’s top prospect and the No. 27 edge rusher nationally, pledged to Penn State’s 2027 class after an official visit. At 6-5 and 255 lbs, the Bishop Hendricken standout earned first-team all-state honors and national top-200 status despite missing part of 2025 with injury. Guertin chose Penn State over offers from Michigan, Tennessee, Florida and more, bolstering the Nittany Lions’ edge rusher depth alongside New Jersey’s Carter Blattner. His commitment lifted Penn State’s 2027 class to 21 pledges and a No. 7 national ranking, with key targets still pending.
Breaking news: Penn State fans now have an entirely new linebacker magician to geek out over. Elijah Guertin promises to sack quarterbacks like he’s auditioning for a high-school horror flick. No pressure, kid—just lead the class deep into the recruiting rankings while future Maryland QBs pray for their sanity. Meanwhile, local fans are already sharpening their “whiteout” face paint in celebration, because nothing says “we’re serious” quite like stadium-wide optical overload.
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