Ducks in Hot Pursuit of a Fifth Five-Star Talent
The Oregon Ducks, fresh off landing blue-chip receiver Dakota Guerrant, have their eyes set on another elite weapon: Glassboro High’s Xavier Sabb. A five-star wideout who boasts a 10.69 100-meter dash and double-digit hoops scoring, Sabb is considering an official visit that could tip the recruiting balance in Oregon’s favor. With Dan Lanning’s staff already hosting five-star Dakorien Moore, Guerrant, and Jalen Lott, adding Sabb would vault the Ducks into Power Four recruiting superstardom and threaten Texas A&M’s grip on the top class.
In a move sure to alarm opposing coordinators, Oregon’s coaches have reportedly begun sending Sabb care packages filled with Autzen Stadium seat cushions and motivational peanut butter jars. Rumor has it they’ve even coined a new recruiting slogan: “Eat, Sleep, Dream in Duck Green.” Meanwhile, defensive backs nationwide are reconsidering their life choices after learning what a 50-50 ball battle with Sabb looks like—picture a gazelle on rocket skates leaping over your outstretched arms. If he commits, the Pac-12 will need an emergency meeting to discuss whether they accidentally joined the ACC.
From Campus to Cubicles: Ducks’ MLB Combine Stars
The Oregon baseball team closed the season 43-18 under Mark Wasikowski, sending three key players—second baseman Ryan Cooney (.331 AVG, eight homers), shortstop Maddox Molony (.233 AVG, 12 homers), and ace pitcher Cal Scolari (5-1, 85 strikeouts)—to the 2026 MLB Draft Combine. Freshman outfielder Andruw Giles also snagged an invite, hoping a strong showing will boost his draft stock—and possibly forego college altogether.
Somewhere between batting practice and scouting reports, Cooney is rumored to be hosting a poetry slam for curveballs, while Molony might be taking crash courses in existential dread—“Do I chase MLB pretzels or senior season nagging parents?” Meanwhile, Scolari’s been spotted shadowboxing windmills to prepare for future batters. As for Giles, he’s said to be testing his arm by hurling nachos at teammates in the clubhouse. If all goes well, Oregon’s next season could resemble a ghost town—but at least the alumni mail will be sorted alphabetically.
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