Progrums

In a stunning display of journalistic valor, six brave scribblers have declared themselves experts on tomorrow’s monumental battle between Virginia Tech and Wofford. Armed with nothing but caffeine-fueled overconfidence, outdated playbooks, and a vague recollection of last season’s stats, they’ve boldly predicted who will strut off the field with bragging rights. Some bet on Virginia…

With just one caffeine-fueled evening remaining before kickoff hysteria, lead editor Thomas Hughes has apparently been deputized as the Hokies’ official existential guide. Sources confirm he’ll be standing on the sidelines armed with a whiteboard full of flow charts meant to answer life’s greatest question: “Why are we even tackling Wofford tonight?” In a move…

In a ground-breaking twist that has stunned sports pundits everywhere, lead editor Thomas Hughes reportedly swapped his pen for a crystal ball to offer three earth-shattering visions ahead of Virginia Tech’s Week 4 tussle with Wofford. Sources say Hughes consulted tarot cards, a Magic 8-Ball and a suspiciously anxious squirrel to divine these must-see spoilers.…

Hokie Nation enters a brave new world this weekend as Virginia Tech takes the field against Wofford completely coach-less—because who needs a head coach when you’ve got Whiteboards of Destiny and a premium Spotify playlist called “We’re Fine, Honestly”? After giving Brent Pry the boot, team captains have assumed full responsibility for play-calling via interpretive…

In a bold strategy straight out of a fashion runway nobody asked for, Virginia Tech is trotting out a brand-new uniform combo this Saturday—because apparently losing 0-3 wasn’t embarrassing enough without some fresh threads. Coach Montgomery, fresh into his tenure and off to the kind of start you only see in horror movies, insists these…

Thomas Hughes has officially survived three weeks of Virginia Tech football—and more importantly, still has hair. After witnessing improbable fourth-quarter fumbles, referee signals that look like modern art, and a kicker who believes the uprights are “just suggestions,” Hughes is leaning into the chaos. Key takeaways include: pixelated instant replays are apparently optional, defensive line…

In a bold testament to its unwavering commitment to change, Virginia Tech has once again bid farewell to Brent Pry, proving that coach turnover is the Hokies’ true legacy. Fans wistfully recall the distant days of Frank Beamer—when victory parades weren’t scheduled based on calendar coincidences. Now, VT’s athletic department is eyeing five coordinators for…

Stu Holt swaggered into the media tent Wednesday, still wearing cleats like they’re the latest fashion statement, and delivered a stirring manifesto on special teams excellence. “We tackled the punt return… sometimes,” he announced, eyes gleaming with the ferocity of a man who just remembered his Gatorade. Holt went on to reveal his secret weapon:…

In a breathtaking display of strategic ambiguity, Virginia Tech’s interim head coach, Philip Montgomery, gathered the media after Wednesday’s practice to unveil his latest innovation: the press conference full-court press. Armed with a clipboard and an encyclopedic knowledge of non-answers, Montgomery expertly dodged every question about X’s and O’s, opting instead for inspirational anecdotes about…